Today my husband and i went to my O.B.'s office for my after birth appointment. It was the first time we had seen her since our son had passed away. (We saw her a week prior and heard his heartbeat)
We got there on time, and were taken to a room fairly quickly. We sat in the room for about 10ish minutes before the nurse came in and said she would be another 10 minutes. I sighed, i hate to wait and i really didn't feel like going to this appointment. She left me a rude voicemail on friday, and i just wasn't feeling it. But i sucked it up and waited...
When she finally came in she talked and most of what she said really irritated me. The only helpful thing she said was that Carter did not suffocate like i thought (the autopsy said respiratory distress) and that he went peacefully. That made me feel slightly better. The rest of the time i wanted to flee. She said "You won't get pregnant for 3 months" my husband said "what happens if we do??" she said "well then its meant to be." I didn't feel reassured by her for next time, and just left feeling cranky.
The rest of the day i ran errands with my husband, and seeing babies and pregnant women just slowly grated on me. When i got home i had plans to write my essay to try and get into a doctorate program, and a few thank you cards.
I just feel exhausted, and missing my baby hawk....
I love you carter honey.
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