Monday, June 9, 2014

Baby Blues....

On your birthday I got a tattoo of a hawk on my ankle. Its nice because whenever I am missing you, a visual reminder of you is always on my body. Your dad is going to get one too, I am trying to get him to wait until after the summer so he won't miss out on any swimming. This have been tough this week Carter for both of us. On saturday was a baby shower for your dads friend's new wife. I thought I could go but every day that it got closer I grew more impatient, and more grumpy and easy to anger. I got really upset because there were the wrong type of nuts on my ice cream (Seriously who puts pecans on a sunday).
Today I feel glum because one of my co-workers who is so very reckless in every aspect of her life, and never says nice things about her husband might be pregnant. She has only been talking about wanting to get pregnant for 1 week. Today she says "Oh, my period is late I might be pregnant". What I wouldn't give you be pregnant, or better yet have you.
I am really attaching to two of the kids I work with. Both are oddly blondes, as you would have been brunette. The one today is about 2 1/2 and so very sweet, and learning how to make words. I pushed him on the swing and I could pretend it was you. My other kiddo is about 4 and he can make words, he just has issues associating them with things. When I push him on the swing I can pretend it is you. When I hug these kids its so easy to pretend for just a minute that you are them. Until I see their faces, and remind myself where I am.
Every pregnant woman I meet or am around I just want to yell "Be careful and don't take your doctors word! Anything that you worry about, take it up with your doctor better safe than sorry!" But I don't and I utter small words of congratulation to those I see while trying to hold onto what it felt like when you were inside of me.

I miss you my baby, so very very much.
Love Mom