Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Wild and crazy day

Today started out happy. I went to my primary doctor's office and suspected pregnancy ( i have all the symptoms) and they gave me a urine test. That came back positive! I was so happy it was really hard to keep it from my husband. I luckily was with my mom so i told her first. We were so happy and elated and buzzing around target like happy little bees. Then i called my grandma because i was bursting to tell someone else. She was so happy and exclaimed "Oh...Amber...." (a happy oh amber!) Then we went to lunch with some family friends that i had not seen in 10+ years. 

After lunch i went to the restroom and noticed spotting and a clot. All the blood drained out of my face. I went to mom and she said are you ready to go and i said yes. I called the high risk ob and they told me to go to the er. I went and after 6 hours we had our results. 
I was not pregnant, and they believe that i never was. They think it was a false positive from the doctors office. 

So far i feel content, and feel hope for the future. I have not smiled or felt happy since Carter's passing. 

I feel that my baby boy gave me a gift. He knew i was struggling, and knew that i so desperately wanted to be pregnant. He gave me hope, and showed me that i can be happy again. I wish i had the ability to give my clients this gift. 

I love you Carter, and I thank you for this gift. You know that i would happily take you instead of another baby, but i appreciate you watching out for us. 

Ps. We have noticed you in hawk, bird, praying mantis, and butterfly form. 
PPS. Grandma knows that you are watching over her in dove form.

Love you,

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