I heard your name and for just a second.....

As i walked through the doors of Target, the voice of a mother yelled out "Carter!!" and for just a second I forgot that you were gone. I turned to look and felt my stomach drop as the realization hit me. I was a mother with no living child. I will probably spend my life looking when i hear the name Carter, while my stomach drops to the floor. My heart feeling like a stake has gone through it, with no relief that comes from being undead.

Yesterday was your due date. I cried off and on through out the day. Your grandma L came over with balloons. We set up your bench from her and your step grandpa J. It looks beautiful with your tree. Your grandpa C called to let us know that he was thinking of you. We released balloons again, and ate the lone apple on your tree. It was sour, but i couldn't let any of it go to waste. Later friends K & S came over and we talked about you, and ate a marble cheesecake and drank coffee. 

Everyday i miss you. Everyday i want you. 

Your memorial 

Your dad, Kaeci and me.

Your grandma L watching her balloon float away.

Your dad and I holding your apple.

I think that this looks like you would have. 

Your dad and I releasing the balloons to you.

Me watching the balloons float away.

I love you my little hawk.

-A